Yesterday, our very own Princess Weekes was stunned to find out that, according to DC, Batman would do anything for love … but he won’t do that. The that in this case is going down on his girlfriend.
This was the Internet’s biggest takeaway from a Variety piece on HBO Max’s Harley Quinn, in which co-creator Justin Halpern revealed, “[…] we had a moment where Batman was going down on Catwoman. And DC was like, ‘You can’t do that. You absolutely cannot do that.’ They’re like, ‘Heroes don’t do that.’ So, we said, ‘Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?’ They were like, ‘No, it’s that we sell consumer toys for heroes. It’s hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone.’”
I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that the Internet, as a whole, came together to weigh in on the outrageous statement that Bruce Wayne wouldn’t drop everything he’s doing for the chance to have his mouth anywhere near the vicinity of the one and only Selena Kyle. The commentary, memes, art, and now even merchandise are flowing fast and furiously ever since. Ironically, if DC was once worried about this activity in association with Batman, it’s now a viral sensation that many of us will never not associate with Batman.
You’re trying to tell me that Batman wouldn’t facetime? Loollllll okay pic.twitter.com/ZB043zzqEP
— Tiffie Variance Authority 😐⏱ (@TiffieStarchild) June 15, 2021
Bruce Wayne is a global foodie. That man eats.
— Kaiji Von Tang (@KaijiTang) June 14, 2021
Of course Batman goes down. Why do you think his mask ends at his nose? pic.twitter.com/V1RfIlYv7C
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) June 15, 2021
I am a published, successfullish, internationally recognized Batman analyst/authority and I am here to tell you:
He does that.
He swipes his nose like a credit card.
He’s Junior Soprano in a cape.
It is known.
I will not be taking questions.
— Glen Weldon (@ghweldon) June 14, 2021
Batman. Is. Always. Ready. Has been for a while.
Batman sings the classics pic.twitter.com/V5VOn8gp4b
— i already twote it 👁 (@Steph_I_Will) December 7, 2019
Did you forget who Selena Kyle is?
Every iteration of this woman is a goddess that walks among us, why wouldn’t anyone want to fully enjoy her? Furthermore, what makes you think Catwoman would put up with a man who’s scared of a little kitty cat?
But it’s not just Selena who Batman’s missing out on because according to DC, heroes just don’t DO that. This leads me to believe that DC feels that their entire heroes galley shies away from oral sex, which would include the entire Justice League and some change.
What am I supposed to make of this then, huh DC?
I refuse to live my life thinking that DC is perfectly fine with DJ Khaled-ing their characters.
Batman and DJ Khaled have a lot in common pic.twitter.com/r9CAC4sFml
— Brianna Benozich (@BriannaBigby) June 14, 2021
You cannot let Batman go out like this, DC!
So DJ Khaled was Batman this whole time… pic.twitter.com/0vZXr9OHRZ
— The Summer of Frank (@thoughthaver69) June 14, 2021
DC, don’t turn this into a moment where even SMASH MOUTH has to put you in your place! They did it to DJ Khaled when he “proudly” proclaimed that he won’t go down on his wife, don’t make them do it to Batman!
A King who doesn’t is no King at all. https://t.co/Jg1GAlfIjI
— Smash Mouth (@smashmouth) May 4, 2018
Let’s return once more to where this news came from. In an article via Variety by Joe Otterson, Justin Halpern and Patrick Schumacher (two of the co-creators of Harley Quinn) revealed that while they do get a lot of flexibility when working with their characters, they encountered some … restrictions.
“It’s incredibly gratifying and free to be using characters that are considered villains because you just have so much more leeway,” says Halpern. “A perfect example of that is in this third season of ‘Harley’ [when] we had a moment where Batman was going down on Catwoman. And DC was like, ‘You can’t do that. You absolutely cannot do that.’ They’re like, ‘Heroes don’t do that.’ So, we said, ‘Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?’ They were like, ‘No, it’s that we sell consumer toys for heroes. It’s hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone.’”
Heroes don’t do that?
Is that why crime is at an all-time high in Gotham City all the damn time?
I am sorry but this Batman thing might never ever ever ever not be hilarious.
— Gail Simone (@GailSimone) June 15, 2021
I should note that, according to Otterson, Halpen and Schumacher did say that DC is very supportive of the series and has allowed them to “push the envelope” numerous times, this was just an instance where they had to keep the envelope above the waist, or rather, away from Catwoman’s meow—at least in terms of oral sex because, as Otterson says, “It remains to be seen if Batman and Catwoman will be shown engaging in some bedroom antics in Season 3 or if it will simply be implied via cunning linguistics.).”
AKA: is it just the cunning linguistics that DC has an issue with or Batman and Catwoman having sex in general?
Either way, the logic behind it is bonkers (consumer toys, lol), especially since Harley Quinn isn’t exactly a family-friendly Saturday morning cartoon. It’s adult animation at its finest, so if any DC characters are gonna draw the alphabet with their tongue that series is a good jumping off (or getting off) point.
Every single character on Harley Quinn has said and/or done reprehensible mess throughout the history of the lore and the toys sell just fine.
The Killing Joke *exists.* Batsy… dining in will be just fine.
— Shannon Miller (@ShannonL_Miller) June 14, 2021
I can’t help but go back to that “hard to sell a toy” mentality. Do they think they have to suddenly make a Batman toy whose tongue pops out when you put his head between someone’s legs? Do they … think we haven’t already taken a Batman figure and tee hee hee’d when he falls on top of another toy? It’s so bizarre, but it has, at least, given us some quality responses from the Internet.
“Heroes do NOT do that!” pic.twitter.com/mu3j1Ki5Ca
— Nick Hanover (@Nick_Hanover) June 14, 2021
thank you DC for making this Batman moment possible pic.twitter.com/DD6jvTPtVb
— ML Kejera (@KejeraL) June 14, 2021
“Batman Can’t Cooch Smooch” was not the topic I imagined breaking my shitposting dryspell, but it’s perfect nonetheless.
— Scott Frerichs 🏳️🌈 🐯 (@KaiserNeko) June 15, 2021
Some have pointed out a potentially ugly truth: maybe Batman really wouldn’t do that. Maybe he’s a stuck-up billionaire who expects to be serviced but doesn’t dare return the favor.
Batman has moved into aggressive negotiations pic.twitter.com/LsxhSuI7bU
— Conner (@connerws) June 15, 2021
I suppose that is possible, and there’s probably a pick me out there who would be fine with that. Catwoman ain’t got time for all that, though, so Batman better get with the program cuz there are plenty of others ready and willing to take his place.
“Bro what you got that mouth opening for if you ain’t eatin’ the cat!?” pic.twitter.com/pAb0k2nvKJ
— IFY (@IfyNwadiwe) June 15, 2021
The question has been raised, now that this is the trending Batman topic, on what other heroes would, or wouldn’t, eat their partner out in a way that makes a company rush to have the scene removed from their adult cartoon.
clark kent absolutely eats pussy. you don’t date and then marry lois lane if you’re not willing to eat pussy all the time. she sits on his face and he likes it. thank you, this has been a clark kent fact.
— Gita Jackson: know it all (derogatory) (@xoxogossipgita) June 14, 2021
What Batman won’t do, Nightwing will. pic.twitter.com/0B3xfSecdA
— Cheyenne (@CheyenneTheGeek) June 15, 2021
Let us know your picks in the comments, and remember, watch Harley Quinn on HBO Max! Harley Quinn is great!
So uhhhh watch Harley Quinn on HBO Max?
— Justin Halpern (@justin_halpern) June 15, 2021
(image: Warner Bros. Animation)
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